We Are All Donnie Girls

Here’s the thing. I miss you guys. Hyperbolically, mostly, because I don’t really know many of you. But I miss the idea of community that we have. And yes, this is a big ol’ mess of pandering nonsense because I haven’t had enough attention this week, but that doesn’t mean there’s no sincerity to it. It’s been too long since there’s been a “New Kids Happening” and I’m in withdrawal. Big time. So this isn’t an event recap, because there are no events. But I needed to write something.

We all have one major thing in common, and that thing lets us relate to each other on a level that’s different from other people in our lives. I have best friends I’ve known since I was 10 years old, and they side-smile and shake their head a little when I talk about this fandom. Not with malice, but because they’re not in it. We’re a tight-knit group with a common goal and way of thinking. And other things that sort of describe a cult without ever saying cult. Because we’re not creepy like a cult. I’m doing too much with the word “cult”. Moving on.

Of course, the thread that holds us all together (aside from NKOTB as a whole) is the one and only Donnie Wahlberg. He throws us Twitter-breadcrumbs to keep us occupied in the off season, and those breadcrumbs lead us out of the forest of our everyday mundanity. I’m not a huge fan of white guys, as a species, but this one is different. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Donnie is the best dude I’ve ever met. And I’m not the only person who thinks so. You’ve heard the My So Called Whatever podcast. They have merch spouting this very mantra: We Are All Donnie Girls. And we are. Most people, myself included, can’t even manage to be nice to the people in their office. Somehow Donnie has the wherewithall to be nice to thousands of people all at once, ALL THE TIME. It never ends for him. He’s always bombarded with outstretched hands, pleading for a tiny morsel of his attention. Thousands of Oliver Twists. I got 3 Facebook messages yesterday and I had to actively try not to be irritated. And these were messages I genuinely needed to answer.

Way to make a gal feel special.

Way to make a gal feel special.

But the thing is, when he does give you a piece of his attention, it’s sort of addicting. He has a way of making you feel like he genuinely likes you as a person. And maybe he does. Maybe he’s literally Jesus. Or like, whatever the modern, bedazzled, bubble-butted version of that would be. But most likely, he just understands people. He understands what we need from him in the brief moment of interaction and he delivers.

Now, maybe I’m projecting my own experience onto the global “us”, but I doubt it. I’m pretty intuitive. At least that’s what I tell people when I make sweeping generalizations in my standup comedy. But Donnie is somehow everything I should innately distrust in a person (a straight, white male in his 40s who has a lot of money), and my very favorite person. I think he’s a witch. Donnie will say, “I just love you” to me (in the way where it could easily be substituted with “you’re ridiculous” and a smiling head shake) and sure, I’ll get a little nervous and say something dumb like “back atcha”, but he doesn’t sound creepy or contrived. It sounds like I want to be his foster kid. Sure, I’m 33 years old. But I’m not like, an adult adult. I could use some supervision.

At first, all the positivity on his Twitter feed made my sarcastic soul roll its eyes, but then it started popping up when I was having a shitty day, or a shitty attitude, or just being a shitty person in general. And I realized that’s why he posts it. For the one person who might need to see it in that moment. Not because he’s sitting cross-legged and meditating in his own good advice for 5 straight minutes (*cough* Joey *cough*). He has this celebrity thing figured out, my dudes. He really does. I’m still skeptical about people who are just genuinely good. But I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Or sit down with a vodka/redbull and a list of interview questions. Because I’m a journalist, dammit. And a hopeless fangirl.

I'm uh...not photogenic.

I’m uh…not photogenic.

One time he said the phrase, “before we knew each other” to me, and I almost forgot that we’ve literally only spent about 3 solid minutes speaking to each other. I jokingly refer to him as my BFF, but I’m not opposed to making it official. I have room in my life. In the words of Mindy Kaling, “best friend is a tier, not a person”.

So, Donnie my dude, let’s be besties. I could use some of your “good guy” vibe. We all could.

13 thoughts on “We Are All Donnie Girls

  1. Betsy says:

    Omg I loved this your amazing he is amazing I last had FaceTime with him and Jordan in 1996, and he treated me like as if I was the only person in the room , I miss him . Thanks for this!

  2. Stephanie says:

    Spot on!

  3. Kelley says:

    I. Fucking. Love. You!!!

  4. Laura Baker says:

    This is so true ….donnie is amazing…love him and all of you

  5. Christian says:

    You are amazing and hit the nail on the head!!! I happen to love that new BFF of yours too and can’t wait to meet him! He does know what we need and cares! Time will fly and your next adventure will be here soon enough! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and heart with us!

  6. Kelly says:

    I JUST F*CKING LOVE YOU. You get it!! I agree with all of this. You couldn’t be more right!!! <3 <3 <3

  7. Jamie says:

    Yes! This! You said what all of us think every day. He really is one of the good guys in this crazy world!

  8. Linda says:

    You are ABSOLUTELY right about him! I grew up a Jordan girl and still am BUT that moment I ran into him on the cruise, I fell in love. He was so sweet and genuine. He’s just an AMAZING person.

  9. Brook says:

    Perfection

  10. Emac says:

    this is so freaking true and I love it. Donnie definitely is an amazing person. Thanks for the chuckles as well.

  11. Tammie N says:

    I just had to read this again, for the 4th time. Nailed it, girl. Every damn word. Odd thing, isn’t it? To miss someone you don’t really like, KNOW know?? Miss you. Miss them. Miss him. Miss it all. Damn the NK drought!

  12. Jenn McMillan says:

    Girl, you hit the nail on the head. Donnie has a way of making you feel special…or make you giggle and everyone stares at you, not GETTING it. He’s one of the best humans I know (besides my mom and my boys). #wearealldonniegirls and we are blessed! Great writing, Kaira! You are gifted! ❤️

  13. Nicole W. says:

    Oh my gosh!!!! I want to hang out with you!!! 😉 You are spot on! Ddub Giiiirrrrllll always and forever!

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